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Yes, folks. This poor kid is of the ISLAMIC FAITH.
Give him his bubby... OR HE'LL PUT A JIHAD ON YOU!
Let's take a look at the Islamic faith.
From Wikipedia:
"Muhammad (c. 570 – June 8, 632) was a trader later becoming a religious, political, and military leader. Muslims view him not as the creator of a new religion, but as the restorer of the original, uncorrupted monotheistic faith of Adam, Abraham, Moses, Jesus and others. In Muslim tradition, Muhammad is viewed as the last and the greatest in a series of prophets—as the man closest to perfection, the possessor of all virtues"
"Muhammad preached to the people of Mecca, imploring them to abandon polytheism. Although some converted to Islam, Muhammad and his followers were persecuted by the leading Meccan authorities"
I CAN'T EVEN RELATE TO THAT SHIT!
So... a guy AFTER Jesus is the one true savior?!
A guy was "more" perfect than Jesus??? Muhammed doesn't even have any cool stories about SAVING people!! Where's his Mary Magdalene?!?! Where's his Tiny Tim?!?! Where's THE ABILITY TO MAKE CRACKERS AND WINE?!?!?!
There is a reason we're so against this BULLSHIT in the United States. A TINY minority has decided to jump around and kill people for no reason (or at least non-Jesus reasons)... and WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT!
"With about 1.57 billion Muslims comprising about 23% of the world's population"
Shit Wikipedia.
Shit.
OK. So maybe a quarter of the entire world is of Islamic faith. But have we FORGOTTEN 9/11?!?!?! There were at least a dozen of them involved! And they were OF ISLAMIC FAITH!
We're just going to invite them into our neighborhoods?!?
Ridiculous.
To the politicians who have brought this travesty to light....
THANK YOU.
To MSM.. for their constant coverage of the Islamic Mosque/Terrorist Training Center/Jihad Thrower... I'd like to give you a giant...
THANK YOU.
You've uncovered this story. Brought it out of the depths of NOWHERE and made it the sensationalist tale it truly SHOULD be.
The beauty, MSM, is that it is no longer just the NYC mosque that faces local terrrorist heroic action. The peons watching have now expanded their forces. All the way to Tennessee.
What's pretty amazing... is that most of these guys can't even SPELL Tennessee!!!
And their spreading love, and Catholicism, and virtue...
Through gassing the shit out of a future Islamic site, and setting it on FUCKING FIRE!!!!
Stop it all where it starts, folks! (and for the Islamic centers already standing... let's take a page from the book of the KKK WASPS of the nation and fire the shit out of them too!!! Why not?! It's the next logical step!)
If these guys start talking about this Muhhamed fool, they're just DAYS away from killing innocent Americans!
He happens to pick a random day out of the year to give a speech at the Lincoln Memorial (Beck and Lincoln share a lot of the same values...i.e. although people of African descent SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO LIVE EQUAL LIVES AS THE WHITE PEOPLE... they SHOULD be paid for work done and given THREE FIFTHS OF A VOTE).
He also is spearheading the movement of the African American into Conservative politics within the US..... He has never said ANYTHING bad about Michael Steele.
And speaking of changing racist ideologies...
"I think she is a racist. I think she decided things based on race. I think she says that a Hispanic woman, with the experience of being a Hispanic woman can make decisions that a white man can't make. I can't imagine saying that. That's like saying Hispanics can't make money decisions like them Jews."
OK. That may be a Beck quote... but that's about... um. That Supreme Court Lady saying something ignorant. So it's just ENTERTAINMENT! Yeah. ENTERTAINMENT.
Plus... Jews ARE really good with money! Way better than the HISPANICS!! How many times have you seen a Rabbi sleeping in a pile of garbage??
"Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization...And you must silence all dissenting voices. That's what Hitler did. That's what Al Gore, the U.N., and everybody on the global warming bandwagon."
You know... a lot of people give talking heads like Glenn Beck a hard time for things like "fear mongering." This is a PRIME EXAMPLE of how the left wing smear machine twists his words to appease THEIR agenda. He is clearly stating that Al Gore WON'T be rounding up Jews and exterminating them! It was a question on ALL OF OUR COLLECTIVE MINDS, and he answered it.. TRUTHFULLY AND HONESTLY.
Besides... Al Gore, The UN, Nazis..... PRETTY MUCH ONE IN THE SAME!! They're all ENEMIES!!!!!!!!!!!
"So here you have Barack Obama going in and spending the money on embryonic stem cell research. ... Eugenics. In case you don't know what Eugenics led us to: the Final Solution. A master race! A perfect person. ... The stuff that we are facing is absolutely frightening."
Shit! All this time I thought embryonic stem cell research was for the Alzheimers patients, or the children with genetic disorders........ Guess that was all part of the Left Wing Smear Machine. Jesus. Is my face red.
THANK YOU Glenn Beck. Without His wisdom, we'd all have been trying to do something crazy... like cure cancer or something.
"Because if you are a white human that loves America and happens to be a Christian, forget about it, Jack."
This is just.. sick.
So few people can relate to this story.
WHO GOES BY JACK ANYMORE?!?!?!
Fuckin A Glenn Beck. You've entirely let me down.
"I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. ... No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong? I stopped wearing my What Would Jesus -- band -- Do, and I've lost all sense of right and wrong now. I used to be able to say, 'Yeah, I'd kill Michael Moore,' and then I'd see the little band: What Would Jesus Do? And then I'd realize, 'Oh, you wouldn't kill Michael Moore. Or at least you wouldn't choke him to death.' And you know, well, I'm not sure."
Well. I mean... who HASN'T thought about it!?!?!?! Hear enough people with ONLY the knowledge they heard about in Fairenheit 9/11 and it gets.. pretty annoying. I'd entirely kill that guy with my bare hands too.
OK. Maybe I wouldn't... but I guess that's just kind of what makes Glenn Beck GLENN FUCKIN BECK
ANGER AND IRRATIONAL FEAR.... and subsequent actions (but we aren't holding him accountable... obviously).
"I'm on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show."
Oh Glenn-y. If wishing death upon the highest members of society, and hating anybody without the same morals/values as your doesn't count as moral collapse... then I'M NOT SURE WHAT DOES!!!!
Man, if I had to bear the load you bear on a daily basis... I'd probably start yelling at microphones too!
Many will critisize you for your choice on the date for your rally. But I UNDERSTAND your conflcts in the scheduling., I UNDERSTAND the market you cater to holds .....different.... values. The day that MLK Jr made his speech isn't even on my pocket calendar! How would someone with as much responsibility as you even think to check that shit! Seriously. Eff those guys. LEGIT.
I read an AOL News article that helped me out with BOTH.
It was like Christmas and Easter all rolled in to one (gifts of frankincense and myrrh to a guy nailed to a cross??).
For those of you who think that Levi Johnston's only redeeming quality is how he is able to hide his ENTIRE genetalia with ONLY a carpenter's glove...
YOU'RE WRONG!
He can sire children...
He can make Sarah Palin even MORE of a joke than she already is...
He can take on the prestigious role of mayor of... DUN DUN DUN... WASILLA ALASKA!
Aaaaaand. If that wasn't enough...
HE CAN FUCKIN DANCE!!!! Oh. Shit. That's George Michael. Oopsy.
Well. He can still be a mayor!
Yes, folks. Levi Johnston is taking his tastefully covered nads to the mayoral office of the nearly-vice-president-if-they-weren't-so-fucking-stupid-breeding-ground... Wasilla!!!
Think of the possibilities!
It could be a Seed-That-Impregnated-A-Palin/Boehner ticket! That is the type of team that screams LARGE AND IN CHARGE to me! The type of team that is ready to dive in and show the American people the ins and outs of the GOP. The type of team that just sprays its political load all over your face and leaves you screaming for more! The type of team.....
Well. You get the picture.
This is the best thing to happen to the GOP since... sliced... lazy welfare people (I assume the GOP makes their sandwiches with sliced, lazy welfare people. It was how their special sandwich jingle went-- "two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, pickles, cheese, onions, on a sesame seed sliced up lazy welfare person" ...right??).
So the nay-sayers may point out that Levi Johnston is a man who knows NOTHING about politics. But I mean.. CAAAAAHHHMMMMMAAAAAHHHNNNNNN. Sarah Palin spent YEARS in the Wasilla mayoral office... and she STILL can't debate her way out of a paper bag! AND SHE CAME DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO BEING VICE PRESIDENT!!!!
Think of the possibilities for someone like LEVI! Someone who ISN'T old and crusty!! Someone who's incompetance is still considered ENDEARING and not.... IN-FUCKING-COMPETANCE!!!!!!!!
Check this out. North Korea is totally busting on South Korea and the US!!!! Shit. We may or may not need some ALOE for that BUUUURRRRRRNNNNNN!
I've done some leg work and used GOOGLE TRANSLATE to decipher some of the tweets.
The most recent is translated as such "We are happy, the creator of the guardians of the country."
Scum bags.
Here's another: "Wept and wept and mustard to eat rimyeongbakpaedangui gyeojameokgi rimyeongbak Way"
OH NO HE DIIIIIIDN'T!! Everyone knows "rimyeongbakpaedangui gyeojameokgi rimyeongbak" is South Korean slang for "we will kill all your women and eat your babies for an afternoon snack." That is just SICK (thank you Google translate).
The next one reads: "S. Korean unification minister HR hansangryeol 15:00 Panmunjom today passed through the military demarcation line. Kyong-ho, including Chairman 6. North Joint Declaration, action committee of 15 members, the relationship sector of workers was a pastor and a hug and say hello and goodbye." IT WILL BE A MASSACRE!
Now, North Koreans (aaaand South Koreans) can't actually ACCESS these videos or messages... with the whole totalitarian isolation from the outside world... but maaaaannnnnn would these messages be inspiring!!!!!!
This young girl cannot speak or walk... BUT DAMN IS SHE GOOD AT THE PIANO. It takes the kind of forced dedication that only North Korea is kind enough to enforce on the children of their nation. At the age of 18 months little Syupianoyunjung was tied to a piano, and not allowed food or water until she could play a full symphony.
Beautiful.
Really.
"The great revolutionary leadership of Kim Jong Il you to smoke, written first in Guinea on the occasion of 50 Dear Sir dolte rojak of the debate, a gathering in Switzerland, chess lectures and films on the Top of the mornin and Indonesia gamsanghoe progress"
North Koreans smoke. Because it's cool. And they apparently play chess. Thank you North Korean propoganda site.
God I LOVE twitter.
Apparently they've called Hillary Clinton a "minister in a skirt." That's just uncalled for. She's a pretty hot-headed POLITICIAN in a skirt. Effin A. Get it right North Korean Twitter. GET IT RIGHT.
“YouTube and Twitter gave North Korea a high-tech detour for its propaganda,” said Paik Hak-soon, an analyst at Sjong Institute. “But fundamentally, it’s not new technology but rather political tension that drives the North to lash out desperately in the face of mounting international pressure.”
Damn. All these new-fangled "Twitter" and "YouTube" and "Facebook" are just acting as high-tech propoganda machines for third world countries... AGAIN.
Third world countries TWEETING about political views?? I remember the days when tweets were confined to matters such as "walking the dog" or "going to the bank." Sure, they may have been insufferable and boring... but DAMMIT they were AMERICAN.
Now, we're allowing Tweets to outline the NORTH KOREAN AGENDA?!?!?! Outrageous.
Time for someone like MCCAIN to step in and put an end to all of this "free internet" Bullshit. WHO'S WITH ME?!?!
Some old, crusty, Conservative freak of a lady conjured an opinion of me based on my beliefs.
OH LORD-Y.
We were in the midst of a heated Facebook debate on the construction of the Mosque in NYC.
RAISE YO VOICES TO THE PEEEOOOPLE.
I was enjoying her ill-informed hate-speech against Muslims (I was even secretly picturing her reciting her "retorts" in the middle of a trailer park with overalls, and a shotgun slung over her shoulder).
HHHHAAAALLLLLEEEEELLLLUUUUJJJJAAAAAHHHHH.
OK. So here is the original post that started this bullcrap.
"MY THOUGHT ON A MOSQUE BEING BUILT A BLOCK FROM 9/11 IS "TROJAN HORSE" AND OBAMA IS ALL FOR ROLLING IT IN!!!!!! now, I'm not racist ( opinionated yes! ) but I am sensitive to the fact that not 1 but 2 F***ING planes were viciously flown into buildings full of Americans.now ironically this million dollar projects funds... resource won't be relinquished....hmm??? NOT A BRIGHT IDEA I SAY!!!"
And it wasn't even the crazy lady who posted this one. Here's my response:
"OK. While I do not hold myself to be a Constitution scholar, I'm fairly certain "Freedom of religion" is somewhere in the Bill of Rights. Like. Right near the beginning.... In like... the first one.
An irrational fear of the Muslim way... of life has blown this entire situation out of proportion. It is a Mosque. It is not a center for extremists. It is not a safe-hold for those trying to harm the US in any way. IT IS A PLACE FOR WORSHIP.
I say.... shame on us. Shame on us for grouping every law-abiding Muslim with the extremists. There is a whole lot of evil shit in the world. Let's give ourselves one less thing to worry about and LET THESE GUYS PRAY."
Fast forward through some BS..... and here's crazy lady:
"I think we all miss the point here! Its nothing about Freedom of Religion. Its about us Learning a freakin lesson from 9/11 ! These people hate us. They burn the American Flag on daily basis over there....They cheared when they saw the T...owers Fall!! ( Not all muslims but a lot do) ...we trust, trust, trust...let everyone do what they want because of all this crap about what our country was founded on WELL that was over 200 yrs ago. Time has changed ! They flew planes into our bulidings and laughed! Screw That! And everyone who says its ok let them bulid it...look up the name of what they want to call the mosque! And the Radical that will be in charge of it! Then tell me what you think.... These Liberal Asses that wanna just let everyone do what they want makes me sick!
One more thing!! SHAME ON US????? Kristen that is a slap in the face of everyone who suffered a loss on 9/11!"
Because... yeah. That's entirely rational... My retort:
""These people hate us. They burn the American Flag on daily basis over there...." These people as in..... Muslims?? Al Queda?? The Afghani?? Just curious. Last I checked the Muslim people weren't all burning the American flag. In fact..., last I checked there were a whole lot of American Muslims living as... happy American Muslims. But maybe I'm entirely wrong?? As for "shame on us" being a slap in the face for anyone suffering a loss on 9/11... I'm pretty sure NOTHING I have said has promoted the actions of AL QUEDA or the few-and-far-between extremists of the Muslim faith. I'm fairly certain that my views are the kind that.... UPHOLD the founding tenets of this nation.
XXXX(not crazy lady)-- if the media hadn't made a ridiculous outcry at this proposal, noone would have even given it a second thought. This is a worship center for those practicing the Muslim faith. NOTHING MORE. To group a sect of people far outnumbering those of even the Christian faith into a tiny number of extremist individuals is just plain.... unfair. Now, at this point, should the mosque be constructed?? NO. Not because it is such a callous act (it is NOT), but because it has been blown out of proportion. Blown to the extreme that a large group of US citizens has decided that the mindset of the practicing Muslim is somehow detrimental to society. That SOMEHOW the mere THOUGHT of a Muslim stepping foot near ground zero is disrespectful.
Why did they decide this spot over all other spots in the nation?? Ever think it's because IT SHOULDN'T BE THE RIDICULOUS ORDEAL MAIN STREAM MEDIA HAS MADE IT??? It should be treated like any other church, temple, house of worship... EVER... in the US?? Because the attack on 9/11 wasn't by THE MUSLIM FAITH, but rather a terrorist group with deep seeded hatredfor the US.. who happened to be Muslim?? Just sayin."
So obviously now I'm waiting. Waiting for some well thought out and amazing response. I get home from work to reeeeeeaaaadddd:
"I don't know why I am even bothering getting my point across to someone who states on their profile they are an "Atheist" LOL! Give me a break....no faith, no belief, and no religious views yet they can yack, yack, yack..... time is too short to waste my energy on an Atheist!"
Shit.
That one hurts.
Deep down inside.
I have faith and beliefs. In myself and in the world I live in.
But to some crazy, trailer park, overall-wearing rednecks I guess being an atheist is like.... being a heathen.
Ignorance is sin. But maybe she missed that part in her Roman Catholic studies.
My number one dream right now... is for my thought process on the universe to be COMPLETELY wrong. But... her thought process has to be wrong too. I'm hoping the MUSLIMS have it right... and we spend an eternity TOGETHER in their version of Hell.
I'd like to direct your attention to the RIGHT. Not the fancy typing letters over here... but the PICTURE.
It might astonish you that these are ILLEGAL immigrants. Yes. Papi and Jose and .... Jose 2??... are, in fact, crossing that border ILLEGALLY. Hey Jose 2!!! What's in that knapsack??? DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!
What the Hell do they think this is?? Some kind of ridiculous land filled with GOLDEN STREETS?!?! Somewhere that would take poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free?!?!?! Do we want homeless, tempest-tossed wandering into our country?!? Maybe instead of barbed wire, we should just construct a GOLDEN DOOR!
This is ridiculous. This whole Constitution BS is entirely treading on the Arizona police. They should be able to stop ANY BROWN PERSON at any time. From Puerto Rico??? LET ME SEE YOUR PAPERS. When a dog breeder buys a dog, what do they ask for?? PAPERS. You mean to tell me we're giving ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS more rights than a PEDIGREE?!?!?! They're just going to eat our good shoes and totally pee on the new Oriental rug!!!!!!
Take this article for instance. First off, I'd like to thank the tea baggers for their DILIGENCE in this matter. Most think they're just about taxation with without representation... but they're MORE THAN THAT. They're about keeping America..... AMERICAN.
Former AZ state senator Pam Gorman had this to say: "We are going to force them to do it, because if they don't, we will not stop screaming." I will vye for the tea baggers' tactics first hand. My 4 year old does the SSSSAAAAAAMMMMMEEEE thing. After about two hours of SCREAMING I'm pretty ready to cave. Not many in the intellectual world think to employ this maneuver.... but the tea baggers have them pretty much beat.
And even though "Obama on Friday signed a bill directing $600 million more to securing the U.S.-Mexico border - money that will pay for hiring 1,000 more Border Patrol agents along with customs agents, communications equipment and expanded use of unmanned aerial vehicles" IT ISN'T ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!
We need a 15 ft wall surrounding this country (from Mexico). The Canadians are pretty cool. Europeans (although stinky) are also OK in our book.... but the Mexicans have the TERRORISTS and DRUG CARTELS and BROWN PEOPLE. There is just ONE border America! Only ONE border we need to worry about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"It's time for us to stand up and say, 'We're not going to leave our country like this to our children and grandchildren," said Jim Howard, 61, who is retired from the Air Force and now works at Walmart." What are we going to do??? Try to explain to little Suzie and Mikey that there are DIFFERENT COLORS AND LANGUAGES IN THIS COUNTRY?!?!? Little Suzie already has a speech impediment... now she has to talk to kids with ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE?!?!?! So she'll know how to roll her "R"s before she can pronounce an "L"??? Is this freakin JAPAN or something?!?!?!
And how about Betsy Bailey?! "My government should protect me so I can feel safe on my own property," said Bayley, with red, white and blue beads strung around her neck as she found a small patch of shade against the steel border fence. "That's my right as an American. I should feel safe on my own property." DO YOU EXPECT HER TO FEEL SAFE WITH ILLEGALS RUNNING AROUND?!?!?!! Sure the legal and flag waving Americans aren't perfect... with crime rates amoung the highest in the world.. but MEXICANS?!?!?!! IN OUR COUNTRY?!?!! They're bringing even MORE crime! Pshht. If you look up Mexican in Webster's, there's a picture of COCAINE. ***I haven't actually looked it up... but I'm 99% sure it's entirely true.
And what did Steven Nanatovich have to say about the illegal immigration???!!! "I'm nervous leaving my 14-year-old at home." This should be a country where EVERY 42 YEAR OLD SHOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE LEAVING THEIR 14 YEAR OLD AT HOME ALONE WHILE THEY ATTEND A SUPER RIGHT WINGED FUNCTION!
Where has the family unit gone?! DOWN THE DRAIN. A father can't even attend an extremist Political Function without worrying about his teenager!
These are the stories that make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
The stories... WHERE WE ARE MORE WORRIED ABOUT ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION THAN THE FAMILY.
Where illegal immigration (in the past 6 months I assume) has reared it's ugly head to the boiling point. The point that the drug cartels have (obviously) overrun the nation. We have to end all of this.
BY STOPPING EVERY PERSON THAT LOOKS LIKE A MEXICAN AT THE SOURCE!
Arizona!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vote yes on whatever you need to, to help this legislation to pass. Call states that DON'T EVEN INVOLVE YOU! It's about....... the children. After all.
"Don't doubt for a minute that, if they thought they could get away with it, they would ban guns and ban ammunition and gut the Second Amendment," Palin told the annual NRA gathering Friday. She urged some 9,000 NRA members to "stop them in their tracks."
FUCKIN A YEAH!!!!!!
Sarah Palin has ONCE AGAIN ventured onto the path of mindless thoughtful speculation.
She's totally right!
NEVER ONCE has Obama been seen with an assault rifle, killing wolves from helicopters!
NEVER ONCE has Obama gone on record endorsing the NRA!!!
NEVER ONCE has Obama shot a man while hunting!
These things considered... HE WANTS TO BAN GUNS FROM EVERY LAW ABIDING CITIZEN!!!!!!!!!
Read between the lines people!
However, Obama's anti-gun stance is about as well known as his pro-terrorist stance, or his pro-kill-your-nana-because-well-let's-face-it-she's-getting-up-there-in-age-and-is-starting-to-smell-like-old-people-stance. It's OLD NEWS.
I believe the can of worms Mrs. Palin has opened ventures BEYOND the normal fringe. We aren't stretching the truth to mean SOCIALISM or DEATH PANELS or TERRORIST anymore...
We're straight up looking at the things Obama COULD DO if he had the political backing.
So with that, I give you Obama's Saturday night... if he COULD do it.
Scenario #1:
After a full week-- Obama heads to a strip club. Think you're Hurricane Betty's... not your Platinum Premier.
Downs a few Rolling Rocks, drops a few Hamiltons, and finds himself in the VIP room.
Now he's buying a few balls from a guy named Bittles for $60 a pop... and just blowing lines off of strippers' asses like it was pixie sticks. Then driving in a drop top LOADED and BALLIN with 4 strippers in tow for a crazy night of drugs, sex, and MAYBE just MAYBE a little rock n roll.
IF HE COULD DO IT, HE WOULD
Scenario #2:
Obama heads out early to his nearest inner city.
He sneaks in to the bedrooms of unsuspecting expectant mothers.
While inside, he first sniffs their delicates... then performs back-alley-style abortions on the women. BECAUSE ABORTION IS GREAT.
IF HE COULD DO IT, HE WOULD
Scenario #3:
Young boy in an low income family is diagnosed with Leukemia. His family cannot afford the cost for treatment, so the boy is left to die.
Obama spearheads legislation to try and save the boy and countless others like him.
IF HE COULD DO IT, HE WOULD
Scenario #3:
After a boring week, Obama invents a crazy gamma bomb in the basement of the White House. The bomb accidentally explodes, exposing him to massive amounts of radiation.
The exposure causes him to transform into his alter ego when his emotions get the best of him....
So that when face to face with the likes of his nemesis Sarah Palin-- words like "Kenya" or "Death Panels" cause him to cry "OBAMA.... ANNNNGRYYYY" and split his starched shirt and/or pants and turn into The Incredible, Presidential Hulk.
IF HE COULD DO IT, HE WOULD
Scenario #4:
After the stock market closes out the week at +2.31 Obama decided ENOUGH WITH CAPITALISM!!!!!!! And announces his change from Democrat, to Socialist.
Every business grossing over $500,000 profit is abolished, and mom & pop stores rule supreme.
People are a little upset they have to spend $8.00 on a carton of eggs, and the conglomerates have centered in other countries, but really... it's all good.
To make up for the wide-spread dissatisfaction, Obama has not only legalized weed, but made it LAW to smoke at least three fatties a day.
IF HE COULD DO IT, HE WOULD
Scenario #5:
Obama buys a 40 of O.E. and gets WAAAASTED.
Decides that "In God We Trust" really SHOULDN'T be on our money, and orders every piece of currency be DESTROYED.
Armed guards enter every home, every establishment, every bank, and by Sunday morning there is not a single scrap of US currency left.
The US dollar is held in the international currency exchange as highly as JESUS HIMSELF as there are so few left, and the US exists on barter alone until an alternative is decided upon.
Finally, after watching old SNL episodes and smoking TONS of ganga, Obama decides the skit of "the cone heads" is fit enough to be depicted on national currency.
With Chris Farley's character of the motivational speaker who lives "IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER" saved as the sole figure on any bill over $50. If we want dead guys on our money, they may as well be FUNNY dead guys.... not the BS we have now...
And, of course, in place of "In God We Trust," the slogan "LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!" is used.
IF HE COULD DO IT, HE WOULD
I understand these aren't the ONLY things Mr. "Obama" would do if his "party" would allow him too, and if he wouldn't face "political backlash"... but I mean come on... wouldn't we ALL find ourselves doing other things if we weren't always WATCHED by... like.. somebody??
I bet Obama would pick his nose in his car if noone was looking.
And I bet he would pretend it was an itch if anyone ever called him out on it.
"Illegal is illegal," said Pearce, a driving force on the issue in Arizona. "We'll have less crime. We'll have lower taxes. We'll have safer neighborhoods. We'll have shorter lines in the emergency rooms. We'll have smaller classrooms."
Is THIS what we want our neighborhoods to look like?!?!
Is this the new American dream?!? Streets paved with Mariachi Bands and burritos?!?! Can you imagine what America would smell like!?!? And OH GOD IF THEY BEGAN INTERBREEDING!?!?!
Us native Americans-- who have been here all our lives-- have DIBS on the freedom of the US.
OUR GRANDMOTHERS AND GRANDFATHERS DIDN'T COME TO THIS COUNTRY TO HAVE IT INFILTRATED AND RUINED BY MEXICANS!!!
Furthermore-- Dora the Explorer and to a lesser extent The CARE BEARS (see Amigo Bear, introduced in the new series...) are only perpetuating the influence of the Mexican drug cartel. Learn their language?!?! VAMANOS?! For what?? COCAINE?!?!
But I digress.
The Arizona police force is obviously equipped to handle this new bill with tact and professionalism. It isn't like they're just going to start stopping ANYONE who looks like a Mexican illegal alien and begin questioning them!! They're going to use their INSTINCT and TRAINING!!! Like with Rodney King!!!!
It is about time Congress listens to the will of the Republican people. All this money spent on "health care reform" or "creating jobs" or "environmental mumbo jumbo" is whiny bull crap. Thank you to Arizona for finally doing WHATS RIGHT for the American people. If I want my money spent on something... it's going to be something like... keeping foreigners OUT OF MY COUNTRY!!!!
My only disappointment in this bill is that I don't believe we've gone far enough. Arizona's GREAT... but it's time to pass similar legislation in every state that borders Mexico... and of course-- Canada.
Sure-- the Canadians talk like us, look like us, and have similar cultures... but I for one am SICK AND TIRED of the Canadians wandering over here ILLEGALLY.
Is everyone aware that Canada broke ties with THE BRITISH PARLIAMENT in 1982?? That means that less than thirty years ago, they were still answering to the government that began the FUCKING REVOLUTIONARY WAR!!!!!!!!!!!
That's the first and most important war like...EVER!!!
And these dingleberries didn't even CARE!!!!!!!
And they're always talking FRENCH and saying shit like "eh" and talking about how GREAT Canada is. Well then GO BACK THERE!!! Stop visiting here with your fancy PASSPORT and Japanese made car. Douchebag.
Anyway.
Thank you Arizona for your new PATRIOTIC legislature. Hopefully all of the bordering states will follow suit. It is about time we pulled the trigger on illegals.
(trying a new sign on line... what do you think?? Totally original right?!?)
If you're like me, you enjoy engaging the "other" side in fun and exciting, and totally exhausting debate.
After a few battles with several different Conservatives I've conjured a theory. The Republicans, and Libertarians of this country have AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LANGUAGE!!!!!!!
For those of you without children. Or a television... Youtube... a chance to visit your local Walmart, Toys R Us, or any other purveyor of children's toys for the better part of the last 30 years...
The Care Bears are cute, cuddly animals with fun names, and special "caring" powers.
On the outside..
What MSM won't tell you...
The Care Bears are public enemy NUMBER ONE for freedom, patriotism and the American way of life.
I should probably explain that.... with bold titles and lots of words.
Roots
The "Care Bears" were originally introduced in Greeting Cards in the 80's. I can only ASSUME for the Islamic Jihad.
They were then sold out to some ridiculous company with a ridiculous name, then sold to to another even more ridiculously named company. They are currently in negotiations with a FRENCH company.
France. Like the Socialist, douche bag, didn't want to help us out with an illegally started war France.
Le Douche Bags.
(Remember when you'd search "French War Victories" on google, and it would tell you the search had no results... FUN-NY... especially for students with French War Victory papers due.... actually... those guys would have been kinda fucked...)
ALSO-- The Care Bears were ORPHANS. No structured family unit?? Even the fucked Utopian society books of the 50's and 60's knew you NEEDED A STRUCTURED FAMILY UNIT!!!
Socialism
Share bear??
More like Pinko Stalin/Marxist/Socialist/Communist/Fascist bear!!!!
Let's face it--teaching children to share their toys is equivocal to grown-ups sharing their wealth.
There is NO REASON why my child should have to let some snot nosed, poor kid play with her toys. I work 50 hours a week to pay for that shit. That's HER ball. No, she will not throw it back and forth with you. Get your own fucking ball.
The Care Bears are the driving force for welfare, Osama Bin Laden, Mao (that includes the dictatorship AND child labor), Kim Jong Il, Castro and Putin. Promise.
The Care Bear Stare
The Care Bear Stare is the primary cause for the attack on 9/11.
It also promotes drug use. How else are hearts and shit going to shoot out of someone's face??
Disgusting.
Unemployment in the US
Remember this one??
Don't want to HAVE A JOB?!? You WANT TO BE A CARE BEAR!?!
People blame THE ECONOMY for the current unemployment rate. I blame the CARE BEARS.
Gender changing
From Wikipedia-
Swift Heart Rabbit's Gender was changed from Male to Female.
Funshine Bear was originally introduced as female. However, in the 2002 relaunch, Funshine was relaunched as a male.
In the 1980s, Secret Bear's gender was male and fur colour was tan. In the 2002 relaunch, the gender was changed to female and the fur colour was changed to magenta.
Really??!
Just change genders ::snap:: like that?!?!
Are these bears confused?! Will they begin to intermarry-- are we talking animal kinkiness, transgender relationships... or will we be launching a "Gay Bear???"
Dressed entirely in latex, with crossed swords as his "belly badge"
Also... on the sexual deviant note...
Does anyone else find it creepy that Shrieky and Beastly reported to NoHeart-- and every time Shrieky talked to NoHeart she'd say "Uncle... I mean Lord NoHeart?"
He was totally molesting her.
FUCKING Care Bears.
Paganism
OK-- So I'm no Care Bears "Scholar" ... but I'm pretty sure the "creator" is a series of stars. One big one, and a couple little ones.
Last I checked, the one true creator was God (the Roman Catholic one) and HE WASN'T A FUCKING STAR!!!!!!!!!
There are cultures out there that will KILL YOU if you misrepresent their God!!!!
Sure those Gods/cultures don't matter... because their followers will be spending an eternity in Hellfire (along with the Myans, dinosaurs, Islams, ancient Greeks or Romans, and any other culture founded either before the birth of Christ, or after-and not claiming Him as their savior).. but... THEY SHOULDN'T BE MISLEADING!!! Fun stars and bright colors are enough to pursuade pretty much anyone these days... and the intricate passages of the Bible are a tough read...
This kind of Paganist example is too much for a light hearted Catholic to bear. And MARK MY WORDS, if this kind of act is allowed in the future, we will all be praying to Allah Star.
Take a click trip here to fan Tarryl Clark's FB page. She is running against Bat Shit Fucking Crazy Michele Bachmann. With everyone's support she will surely defeat the fucking idiot.
This is hilarious though. Check it out-- Rachel Maddow even plugged it on her show yesterday.
Bachmann is hosting a benefit (for herself)... The ticket price is $10,000 a couple, but you get DINNER and more importantly, you have the chance TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH MICHELE BACHMANN AND SARAH MUTHAFUCKIN PALIN!!!!
Shit ya.
So Tarryl Clark has started this site... where you can KEEP your ten grand, and PHOTOSHOP YOURSELF IN WITH THESE LADIES. They have a few select foregrounds to choose from... but I sent in my own to MSNBC (lost my photoshop virginity-- HURRAY 30 DAY FREE TRIAL!!!!!). Here it is! A little more PC than I'd like... but hey... we can't ALL be offensive ALL the time.
Which of course stands for-- What Would Republican Jesus Do??
(found this pic with Google-- credit lies with Goatfucker.com... but I was pretty FUCKIN PUMPED I found it.)
Abortion has once again reared its head on these pages.... and as a frontiersman (in my own head) of hot topics and spreading the word of God and/or JC (a personal journey beginning exactly 4 minutes ago) I feel it is my DUTY to share, with you, Leftake... Republican Jesus's view on Abortion.
The Beginning
Not like the BEGINNING beginning.
Jesus didn't turn all Republican until Nixon.
So in this instance--we mean the beginning of NORMAL, non cross wearing people. That's right folks. We're talking CONCEPTION.
Now, I should clear a common misconception. REPUBLICAN JESUS IS AGAINST CONDOM USE. But not, however, for the reasons you may hear in the news. SEX WITH YOUR ARGENTINIAN MISTRESS FEELS BETTER BAREBACK. It's written somewhere in Republican Jesus's Bible... but uh-- the pages were stuck together (somehow) and didn't make it into publication.
It is perfectly OK with Republican Jesus to pull out, and spill your seed all over your wife, mistress, or car interior.
Under no circumstance, however, does Republican Jesus condone use of the morning after pill. And has deemed it OK in His eyes to use fear mongering to prevent the use of it as an over the counter medication.
OLDER MEN WILL RAPE OUR TEENS AND FORCE THEM TO TAKE THE MORNING AFTER PILL (really read that years ago in a local newspaper...wish I still had it to cite the reference)--is an entirely suitable phrase to use when dealing with LOONY LEFTIES. I mean, WHAT CAN THEY EVEN SAY TO THAT?!?!
If you make an oopsie, then oh well. You're stuck waiting the 30 days like everyone else for news of a little SUPER unwanted baby girl or boy.
Beck: "what you don't know, you're absolutely right. I'm nuts."
O'Reilly: "And he has a weapon, Colbert. And your address!"
SHIT.
These guys are serious!!! A fake pundit giving a "real" pundit "props" is just UNNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!
"We have fun with this... this is a very well organized machine the left wing smear machine... and they're going try and hurt you as much as they can hurt you.. and they're going to dig up.. exactly what you've done in your life. They're going to tell people where you live. They're going to tell people about your children.."
GLENN BECK HAS FUCKING KIDS?!?!?! JESUS CHRIST PUT THEM OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MISERY NOW!!!
Jeez. Well at least the left wing smear machine isn't threatening Beck or his children with GUNS!!!!! That would just be fucking crazy! Insane! Something a fox news anch..... oh. This IS FOX isn't it....
What I love is that.... if you watch this.. O'Reilly thinks Colbert is on MSNBC or CNN or some shit.
The Republicans biggest threat.... is COMEDY CENTRAL.
A funny pundit who does his schtick for FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT ON A COMEDY NETWORK.
But yeah. Stephen Colbert is a driving force of the "left wing smear machine."
Here's a quote that brought a little gravity to one young woman as to the lives of our founding fathers.
"We must all hang together. Or, assuredly, we shall all hang separately."
--Ben Franklin.
Yeah, man...
All of these great quotes we hear, "any nation that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both"
"Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man."
"Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes."
Pretty freakin inspiring, eh???
I guess what escapes us... or at least a majority of us...
IS THAT BY SIGNING THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE THE "FOUNDING FATHERS" WERE GIVING THEIR LIVES TO THE FUTURE OF THE UNITED STATES.
Failure wasn't a loss in a fucking VOTE. FAILURE MEANT DEATH.
Do you think the Queen was going to accept a hastily written public apology?? "Sorry, majesty, we misspoke! What we MEANT was..."
Pretty sure they would have all been FUCKING HANGED IN THE PUBLIC SQUARE AS AN EXAMPLE TO OTHER REVOLUTIONARIES.
Kind of an entirely different animal, eh??
Think we could ask the top names on either side to put their FUCKING LIFE behind whatever BS they're preaching?? Hold a knife to Glenn Beck's pudgy little pot belly and tell him to erase his chalkboard. Tell him to say, on air, that everything he's been preaching is a lie--and that he's a bleeding-fucking-heart liberal. After the tears subside, and the deed is done... and he's curled in the fetus position, rocking in the shower like a drunk prom date... he probably won't have even regretted it.
Not that I'm saying he should. I'm not even saying we should all practice GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH.
I'm just saying...
The proud, flag waving American. The true Patriot (like Mel Gibson!!), is dead.
In their place??
WHINY FUCKING TALKING HEADS AND POLITICIANS WHO WILL NEVER TRULY FEEL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING MILLIONS ENDURE ON A DAILY BASIS.
WHINY FUCKING TALKING HEADS AND POLITICIANS WHO QUOTE THE FOUNDING FATHERS AND LEAD THE NATION "AS THEY WOULD."
"The founding fathers would be rolling in their graves..."
Heard that one before??
Yeah... me too.
See... what I think. And please... stop me if I'm wrong...
is
that...
THE FOUNDING FATHERS WOULD SHOOT THEMSELVES IN THE FUCKING HEAD IF THEY SAW THE NATIONAL PISSING CONTEST WE'VE TURNED THIS COUNTRY INTO.
Unity.
Liberty.
Opposing views, differing opinions (Jeffersonians, Federalists, the Whig Party... probably some more, but I'm terrible with this shit)...
But in the end.. One nation.
PUTTING YOUR LIFE BEHIND WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN.
[Point there... WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. Not what your party (and subsequent campaign funding tell you to believe in).]
Somewhere in the course of events, politics went from a stage to voice and rally opinions (real ones... not just the loud ones), to a fat cat, lying and corrupt career.
Pretty sure that isn't what our founding fathers had in mind.
While reading any of the good Doctor's literature-- ONE THING is blatantly missing....
A SUPER RIGHT WING LEAN!!!
No worries, friends, 'takers, brethren.. I'm ON IT.
Ever read "There's a Wocket in my Pocket" as a child??
Well, this is what I call "There's a Wocket in my Pocket: Patriotic Freedom Against Nazi Socialist Zealot Tyrant Rabble Rabble edition"
What makes the "There's a Wocket in my Pocket: Patriotic Freedom Against Nazi Socialist Zealot Tyrant Rabble Rabble edition" so special?? Well, the "There's a Wocket in my Pocket: Patriotic Freedom Against Nazi Socialist Zealot Tyrant Rabble Rabble edition" replaces the cutesy/fun drawings of liberal monsters with real life threats to society.
This edition will prove to be the unequivocle right wing teaching tool for our children. Your children will get a kick out of the fun rhymes, and you'll be rest assured they're learning the IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE.
I've put together some blog-friendly excerpts from the book for your reading pleasure.
Did you ever have the feeling there's a ZAMP in the LAMP?!
As we all are aware, Mr. Cheney suffered "mild" heart attack # 5 this week. (WHATEVER, he's fakin it)
It seems to be all the rage among angry, old, fat, white Conservatives these days. Personally, I think he just didn't want to be upstaged by Rush Limbaugh.
Just sayin...
Douche.
ANYWAY.
This "attack" follows his SURPRISE appearance at the 2010 CPAC convention.
The former vice president emerged from the side of the stage to the eruption of the crowd that began chanting, "Cheney! Cheney!"
GUYS!! What the FUCK are you thinking?!?! No loud noises in the auditorium please. You wouldn't surprise grandpa like that would you!?
Cheney had this among other things to say:
"...I think Barack Obama is a one-term president."After the roar of the audience subsided, Cheney finished by saying, "It's a remarkable time to be an American and a remarkable time to be a conservative. Good luck."
Looks like Dick's rootin for Obama to fail. Hey man, all's fair in love and war. YOUR party needs to go BALLS TO THE WALL... then shout from the mountain top FUCK those other guys.
Sure, a tree hugger or 20 will say "OHHH NOOO WE SHOULD BE UNITED AS ONE NATION." But seriously. Fuck those guys.
I mean, if I'm going to throw the Obama administration under the bus and REALLY try to flame bait and divide a nation I'm going to use phrases about the current administration such as
"recklessness cloaked in righteousness."
"[W]e are at war and when President Obama pretends we aren’t, it makes us less safe,"
"unwise in the extreme." (or maybe UNWISE TO THE FUCKIN MAXX)
"He is making some choices that, in my mind, will, in fact, raise the risk to the American people of another attack,"
Yes.... Sounds good.
FUCK!!!
Cheney already said all of that?!?
WHAT FUCKING EVER.
Well. I bet Obama was dancing in the FUCKING AISLES when he heard the news of Dick's heart attack.
I mean... Being "the bigger person" is pretty much a dead cause now-a-days, right?? Unless it's to lessen political backlash... right??
I mean a PRESIDENT wouldn't just... make a phone call wishing an adversary a speedy recovery, right??
Oh.
(Pssssst. Click that link... or else you won't get it.)
Fucking ridiculous.
Can you just sit and IMAGINE what this country would be like if more politicians handled themselves the way OBAMA does???
Could you just IMAGINE what this country would be like if we no longer were able to sit and watch a glorified pissing contest??!!
We'd all be sitting around and singing FUCKING kumbaya and GETTING ALONG and shit.
Well, Mr. Obama, I guess in YOUR world that's how YOU want people to act.
Here, IN AMERICA, we scoff and poke fun at our adversaries' misfortune, taunt and laugh at those less fortunate and flame bait the SHIT out of everyone.
What determines the "strength" of a nation on a global scale??
"Trade?"
"Nuclear arsenal?"
"Economy?"
I could go ON AND ON AND ON.
I think, though, we are forgetting perhaps the most important factor in determining which nations are HOTT and which are NOTT.
Here we see Kim Jong Il sporting some ultra super cool sunglassses, a blazer (sans undershirt--SEXXY!!), and some hair that is reminiscent of the white guy in "Color Me Bad." On the Kauclair's Hott or Nott scale of 1-10, he receives a solid 5.
MMM. Here we have a great picture of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I'm thinking an Iranian Steve Carell. 40 Year Old Virgin style. As far as the Kauclair's Hott or Nott scale is concerned, he gets a solid 8 for that "bad boy" rep.
Stephen Harper is the Prime Minister of Canada. With the cold, dead eyes of a shark and creepy grin, I'm going to venture a guess the kitten was ground up and stored in a freezer (along with the corpses of 5-12 young women). Mr. Harper, buy an iron. That floppy collar is unacceptable. You receive a 3. But the kitty (may he RIP) receives a 9.5.
A LADY PRESIDENT?!!? Mary McAleese is the President of Ireland. The hesitant smile reveals some horse teeth, and the hair is very Hillary Clinton-ish. Although the top is very President-y, her pants (not shown) have GOT to be accentuating that Irish Booty (the pastor behind is pretty much raping it with his eyes...). So Mary, you get a 4.
MM MM MMM. The President of Albania, Dr. Bamir Topi is looking SWEET ENOUGH TO EAT in his candy cane tie. And the flag behind him (with the crazy fucking bird) gives him the bad boy feel. I'll tell you guys what... this is one president I wouldn't mind throwing my feet behind my head for. If you know what I mean... 8.5 for you, sir!
Here we have the President of... I forget. Some kind of Asian country. You get a 5-- for being unoriginal.
MM MM MMMM. OK. Here we have Obama of the Good Ole US of A. Sorry guys, but you know what they say.. once you go black you never go back. Great smile, pressed and cleaned suit. He gets a Kauclair rating of a solid 9.
RAUL CASTRO ladies and gentleman! Kind of hott in that, needs to stop shaving his eyebrows, will smoke a Cuban cigar while beating the shit out of you after sex, old man kind of way. I mean... not to say that's necessarily ALL BAD. I like this pic because it should be the Cuban version of Uncle Sam. All things considered, you get a 4.
So there you have it, folks. The Kauclair Hott or Nott, People of Power Edition. Stay tuned for next time, where we feature the Presidents of Colombia, Australia, Brazil and other BADASS nations.
Hillary Clinton is flashing her va jay jay all over the Middle East in the attempt to isolate Iran.
Apparently, her plan has backfired and has instead caused Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (we'll call him Clark Kent for ease in this author's ramblings) and Bashar Assad (we'll call him.... Basher Asshat) to unite and come closer together (redundant).
After discussions between Basher and Clark this past week, one will no longer require a Visa to go between Iran and Syria.
Isn't that kind of a slap in the face??
We need Syria to cut ties with Iran and aide us with Israel and the Palestinians.
But... they need us too!
Washington still has some leverage over Syria, which under Assad has been trying to attract foreign business partners, investment and tourism. Assad would also like American support for Syria's bid to get back the Golan Heights, territory seized by Israel during the 1967 war and later annexed.
THEY NEED US FOR TOURISM.
So. I guess we could continue this negative reinforcement of "threats" and such... but I mean, is a guy like Basher Asshat going to really LISTEN??? Will Clark Kent say "Ok?!?"
I am trying a different approach.
Hey Syria!!
I am going to generate some tourism for you!
But you have to promise to stop hanging out with Iran. He's a bad influence.
OK?? Ready??
Syria.
Your country 'tis of thou.
The hidden gem among warring nations. The beautiful, sandy beaches, ancient stacks and remnants of the glorified Romans, sandy... well sandy everything. And if that weren't enough...
FUCKING MANDOLINS AND VASES.
Oh... and for the camel lover...
FUCKING CAMELS.
And for the Camel hater...
FUCKING DEAD CAMELS.
So for the Leftake travelers-- I implore you to go here to plan your next Syrian vacation. (BTW Syrian chicks are smokin)
And for Syria.
I held up my side of the bargain. You are on your way to getting MILLIONS of people with this campaign (I assume). So stop seeing Iran-- or I won't ever help you guys out again.
but feel bad for Glenn Beck.
North Korea is totally busting on South Korea and the US!!!! Shit. We may or may not need some ALOE for that BUUUURRRRRRNNNNNN!
HEY FOLKS!!! It's been a while!
Oh. Why, hello there!
For those of you without children. Or a television... Youtube... a chance to visit your local Walmart, Toys R Us, or any other purveyor of children's toys for the better part of the last 30 years...
Like the TELLAR 
Dick Cheney, ladies and gentleman.
